Easy Housecleaning Tips

My wife and I have a dog and a cat. Terrific pets. Wouldn't take a million dollars for 'em. Wouldn't give a nickel for a whole busload of 'em either, but that's beside the point. When I married my wife, I married the dog and cat. Problem is...they shed. A lot. These animals leave enough hair around the house to make a suit. Naturally, one of my housecleaning tips has to cover the "care and removal of pet hair" for all you out of work husbands.


The most obvious:

Ignore it...They're her pets.
Push it underneath the furniture and the bed...save enough to make a suit.
Make 'em stay outside while your wife is at work...(I know...that's a little harsh and you'll probably get a nasty butt-chewing when she gets home), but, hey, it'll cut down on the hair inside the house.

The above housecleaning tips, while to me a pretty good idea, are just not gonna fly with the wives.

A couple of weeks ago my wife bought some kinda 13 piece "do everything housecleaning kit". Only cost $4.99. The front of the box says, "Attracts & Traps Dirt Like A Magnet"... "Miracle Fiber"... "Magnetic Cleaning Power"... "Clean Smart,Not Hard"...and of course the dreaded,"As Seen On TV". Comes with a cleaning mitt,cleaning cloth, (2) glass cleaner pads with a wand,bendable duster sleeve(?),bendable duster wand(??),cleaning,dusting, and polishing mop heads, and an easy release mop swivel head with 2 extensions. On the box all of these descriptions are prefaced with the word..."Miracle Fiber". My wife bought this kit to help with my new housecleaning duties. She's thoughtful that way . That's why I love her.

Upon opening my new easy housecleaning kit, I noticed some rags in about 5 different colors and the pole you use to attach all this stuff, on an as needed basis. After dumping all this mess on the floor and sorting it out, I found the mop heads. Thirty minutes later, after figuring out how to get the mop head on the easy release mop head swivel pole, I was ready to get after some dog and cat hair. With my "magnetic miracle fiber" dust mop this wouldn't take any time at all.

Wrong.

I pushed dog and cat hair all over the house. Every time I came to a place where I had to "swivel" the hair would get left behind. Maybe it's just me. My beautiful wife can use a dust mop so well you'd think you just had a new floor installed. I have to clean up the mess I made with the dust mop.

Easy housecleaning tip for you out of work husbands:

Get a good vacuum cleaner.

Housecleaning Tips for the Out of Work Husband

Since joining the ranks of the jobless, December 2007, it has become necessary for me to learn the basics of housecleaning. Not an easy thing for a guy who's pretty much depended on his wife in the housecleaning department.

When I decided to write about housecleaning tips for out of work husbands I did a search on Google using the word "housecleaning". Did you know there are over 6 Million websites devoted to housecleaning? And all of them know more than me. After searching all 6 million,...(ok, I looked at the top 30), I couldn't find one that offered any tips or advice for the unfortunate slob who, after years of steady employment, finds himself playing "Homer the Homemaker".

Wives were doing housework before the Pyramids were built. I'll bet you they had to clean up after that mess too. Point is, wives have been at this housecleaning thing since they were born. Husbands don't know crap about housecleaning. Why should we? We're sure as hell not any good at it. Before becoming "an out of work husband", I was in charge of cleaning about 9 square feet of the house... if you count my cool garage ideas as part of the house. Had to take out the garbage, but that's a given. Most husbands do that anyway.

Now I have to learn how to clean the house the way my wife cleans. Scary thought. Wives look at things a little different than husbands.

Dust:
Wives-can't stand it...gotta clean it...
Husbands-could care less...so what...

Unmade bed:
Wives-can't stand it...gotta make it up...
Husbands-could care less...so what...

Stuff not put up where it belongs:
Wives-can't stand it...straighten this mess up
Husbands-could care less...so what...

A pattern began to form in my pointy little head. Our house stays so clean because my beautiful wife works her butt off to keep it this way. Now that I'm in charge of housecleaning, it's up to me to learn these housecleaning tips and make my beautiful,hardworking wife happy when she gets home from work.